New Year's Resolutions!!!

This year has came and gone so fast, it is just hard to believe. I got my resolutions ready so here we go...
1. Get my depression taken care of. I know I have a problem and I love my family to much to just let it get me. Don't knock someone with depression unless you have suffered from it. It truly gets you and is so hard to control
2. LOSE WEIGHT... I don't even know how I got this fat so fast but I am  and I got to lose it
3. Be a better wife
4. Be a better parent
5. Get closer to God 
6. Be more productive
7. Watch my anger
8. Keep a cleaner house
9. Pray more
10. Try to stop pleasing others so much

There you have it, my 10 New Years Resolutions for 2012

Wordless Wednesday....

100 facts about me!!!

It is my 100th post... so here is 100 facts about me!!!!
1.My whole name is Amanda Gail Hardin Tuck
2. I have 3 wonderful kids, Josh,Katie,and Ada
3.I have a wonderful husband Michael Tuck
4. I am going to palmetto beauty college
5.I seriously want to lose weight
6. I miss having friends that I use to have
7. I am a sinner saved by Christ's grace!!
8. I have been married three times
9. My birthday is 5-3-79
10. Josh's birthday is 4-20-01
11. Katie's birthday is 3-29-03
12. Ada's birthday is 10-10-08
13. My wedding anniversary is May 20th
14. My favorite color is blue
15. My favorite food is Lobster
16. My favorite drink is Sprite
17. My favorite actor is Nicholas Cage
18. I love love Clemson football!!
19. I love football period
20. My best friend is Christie Bradburn
21. My have the best dad in the world
22. I have 3 half sisters and one half brother
23. I was raised half Jehovah witness and half Baptist
24. I do believe in love at first sight
25. Michael Tuck is my soul mate!
26. My kids are my life
27. I love going to church
28. I have learned a lot of hard lessons in life
29. I am way too trust worthy
30. I have major social anxiety
31. I hate people that pretend to like me but don't
32.I love to blog
33. I love tv
34. I am scared of mice
35.I love cats
36. I love to shop
37. I wish I had stronger faith
38. I cry easily
39. I don't have good eyes
40. I had to have a major back surgery in 06
41. I wish I had more friends
42. I do have a problem with depression and that sucks
43. I forgive easy
44. I love chocolate
45. I love Young and the Restless
46. I love country music the best
47. I love all music
48. I love buying things for other people
49. 2 years ago my daughter, Katie had a really bad 4 wheeler wreck
50. I love to sit in hot tubs
51. I love to swim
52. I love going on long drives
53. I hate seeing other people hurt
54. I hope to hit the lottery one day
55. A lot of things still bother me from my past
56. I have migraines
57. I have a lot of pain from my back surgery
58. I like to take long walks by myself
59. I hate hypocrites 
60. I wish I had a closer family
61. I waited tables for a long time
62. I have been arrested several times in my past
63. In my past, I did a lot of partying 
64. I hope to travel one day
65. My kids always make me smile
66. Never been on a plane
67. When depressed or upset I turn to food
68. I love to look at paintings
69. I like history
70. I like doing hair
71. favorite holiday is Halloween
72. I wish my kids could stay babies forever
73. If I had more money, I would want another baby
74. I dream a lot
75. It is sometimes hard for me to let things go
76. I wish I had smaller feet
77. I wish smoking pot was not illegal. Truth be told :/
78. I wish Michael would stop smoking
79. Mine and Michael's Hotel we always go to is the Holiday Inn in Duncan :) LOL That is our place
80. Michael was the first man to buy me a real diamond
81. I wish I was a better house cleaner
82. I wish Michael would take better care of his diabetes
83. I love to take long hot baths
84. I think I will always struggle with this stupid face acne
85. I breast fed all three of my kids for 3 months
86. I am crazy when I get really mad
89. I am glad I gave another religion a try besides Jehovah Witnesses. 
90. I don't judge other people for there choice of relgion
91. I am glad to be an American
92. I hate cancer
93. I worry way to much
94. I argue with my mom  a lot but I do love her
95. My car is ALWAYS dirty
96. I wish I had bigger boobs
97. I know God has helped me with a lot of problems
98. I know my kids love me and that is the best feeling ever!!
99. I love to get flowers
100. I like to read my horoscope just for the fun of it!!
Well there you have it.... 100 facts about Amanda Tuck

Wordless Wednesday.... Katie fixed my hair and make-up :)

Ada singing :)

Depression strikes again

This is one of those days or we can say one of those weeks... I know I struggle with depression and really bad social anxiety. I really wish I did not, but I do. I guess the season don't help and the fact that I really try so hard to fit in but I just don't feel like I do. I so remember the days when I had so many friends it was almost like they fought over me but now I have No girlfriends, my husband works all the time and I truly have the most dysfunctional family ever. I just get so down that I don't won't to move. Food and bed seem to be my only comfort. I feel so bad because I have to most wonderful kids and yet I am to busy being depressed. I so know it is a fact, that you can not control depression and the social anxiety that I have. I cannot wait to go to the doctor and hope to get on medication. That also could be a problem for me, we don't have health insurance and I have had back surgery, so I really hurt. It is not easy, then I feel guilty for always being down when I know of so many people that are having hard times but I really cannot control it. New Years resolution # 1... find a way to deal with my personal problems, #2 I need friends

More of 2011 Christmas play

Josh and Katie both did such a great job... A mama has got some bragging rights :)

Wordless Wednesday...Clemson going to the Orange bowl

2011 Christmas play

This year Katie had a solo in the Christmas play and did a wonderful job !! They always make a mama proud :)

Five question friday!!

1. What is your favorite Christmas cookie?

 I am just plain Jane,I like peanut butter cookies!!

2. What's your favorite holiday movie & why?

 Home Alone because my kids love it and I have seen it a million and one time but still laugh everytime

3. Is there a gift that you bought for your kids that you wish you hadnt after they opened it? Well I have a 3 year old so I always regret the noise makers

4. What is the messiest room in your house right at this moment?

  Gotta say it is my bedroom. That is where all the clothes go after the dryer and they are piled high on clothes baskets. Not to mention my husband works second so that is a room that is hard to clean because of different sleep times

5. What is the furthest you have driven for the holidays?

I don't have family out of town so the furthest I have been is the big town of Woodruff! LOL

Having a heavy heart

 It is almost Christmas time again! It really can be the most wonderful time of the year. I have realized this year that I have so much to be grateful for, I have my family and as far as I know we are pretty healthy. Just a few weeks ago a wonderful lady passed away from a two year battle with cancer and she was only 46!! I know God has a plan but I just pray when it comes my time to be challenged I can be as strong as some of the people I have seen lately with there faith being tested. I also know another great Christian man that is battling cancer, Randy Anderson is his name, and every time I text him to see how he is doing his reply is always "everything is going as planned" that just amazes me. My heart has just been so heavy for the families of all the cancer victims. It will truly be a blessed day when sickness will be no more.Till that day I know we got to leave it all in Gods hands and trust in him. I know he has helped me so much in my life. How great is our God??

We made it past Halloween!!

 I love holidays! I really do, I do wish I had more money when it comes to holidays but we make do with what we got!! This year we started the celebrating with a trunk a treat at church! It was fun and it really amazes me to see how much our church has grown from last year.This year Ada was a monkey, Katie was a pirate, and Josh was a Ninja. We truly do heart holidays!! P.S Michael was Uncle Fester!! :)

Bittersweet learning experience!!

I got to write about all my learning experiences and this one was a good one. I have become religious the past few years of my life and I am proud of my relationship I have with God. Along with that I had to learn the hard way that you don't go to church for friends. I got burned but it made me stronger. I was a stay at home mother and I am the first to admit that gets lonely but I now know that there is always going to be clicks in church or where ever it may be. I realize you cannot change it. I am my simple redneck self and that is who I am. I love people and I hurt easy. I know I have changed because I am determined that I don't need the friends that are not real. I now go to church for God and God only. I was stupid and thought that maybe I could find some good wholesome friends but I am okay with what it may be now. I sometimes wonder what is wrong with me and why is it hard for me to have friends that truly like me for who I am but I know God will take care of me. I am thankful to God for not letting me go..... I see now that I cannot keep running from my problems just because I am upset. God will make me happy one day as far as having friends and in ever other way I need. I know the devil knows how to get me and I know my weakness just as he does.

My Three monkey's.... Wordless Wednesday!

Going to school.....

 That is right, I am going back to school!! I am going to Palmetto Beauty College and I love it. I took cosmetology way back in high school but I did not finish so I decided to go back. I got to admit, it is a real challenge with me trying to find a babysitter for Ada but so far I am doing it. I do not get to go everyday like I wish I could go because Michael may not be at home or who knows but usually I get to get my hours that I need for a week.
 You have to have 1500 hours to finish and I have like 130 hours!!!!! Oh Yeah!! but you got to start somewhere. I just can't wait to finish and to make money doing something I love doing. My kids and husband are really excited for me too and it should take me about a year if I can get the hours I need to get.... I will for sure be blogging more about this subject!!

Ada turns 3

 Today my baby Ada Kathleen Tuck turns three... It is so amazing at how fast time goes. I remember everything about this day just like it was yesterday. I think about it and I remember every part of her three years of life. I have been joined at the hip with her. I now go to school but I still don't miss much because she stays up with her dad that works second shift and when I say this child sleeps to one o'clock in the afternoon trust me I mean it. I love her so much, just like my other children, each one holds a special part in my heart.

 Ada has such a unique personality, she is so loud and demanding at home but in front of people you think she is all quite and innocent. She does not like to be away from home too much, and at night time she wants her bed, witch is my bed. Yes, Ada sleep with her daddy and I. She loves to eat, Ada will eat you out of house and home, she love and I mean loves to dance and sing. It is so funny, when I put a song on TV she has to put on a princess dress and get ready before she can dance and sing to song. Thank goodness for charter on demand!! 

  My little Ada also can carry a major attitude, she can stand her on ground with other kids. I hope she will not be a bully... There is nothing better in the world than getting hugs and kisses for Ada. When she kisses you, she will lay one on ya. LOL

  Her favorite shows on TV would have to be, Good luck Charlie, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, and Sid the science kid. Her favorite movies would be Rio, Tinkerbell, and Rango.

Her favorite songs is anything by Katy Perry, and Selena Gomez

Her favorite sayings would be... Shame Shame Shame, OMG [ I am trying to get her to stop saying that, but we keeping it honest],  I am telling, and the list really goes on and on.....

Well there you have just some thing that make my Ada who she is. We love her so so so much and every year I get sad because my babies are getting older. I wish I could keep them little forever :(

...

Today will be a great day!!

 Today will be a great day and that is my goal.... to be more grateful and positive in my life. This has been a different and stressful week. I never wanted to have any problem in church but it seems that it went that way this week. It is a situation where I talked about how I felt but really not sure that is what I wanted to do. Me and this person of conflict had to talk and now I just feel like things are worse. I hope not but I am not going to let this situation affect my life anymore. I have to stay focused on what I need in life. I have did my share of prayer on the situation and I do think God has spoke to me this week. I have really kept my life full of hearing "the word" and I think the Holy Spirit got to me. I have thought about just going to another church but I am not going to do that because I go a church already where God has placed me and that is where I belong. I pray the best for everyone and pray they stay with God. If someone is face with what they did wrong and then they distance themselves from church .... I just pray for them. I pray for others also, don't judge a situation before you know the whole story or both sides. Sometimes it may just be stepping back and looking at the situation to see what the real deal is. Also, if God has given you a role on this earth that is pleasing to him, be grateful. Forget about how hard the job is and just realize what a wonderful job you have and if you have  good heart about it, how pleasing it is to the one that matters.
I know sometime it is hard to see a situation for what it really is but you know it does not matter who we are... we can all be fooled. I just hate to see that someone is being fooled like I was. Keep your eyes open, keep your eyes open.

Happy Father's Day 2011

Happy Father's Day 2011 to my wonderful Daddy.....
 Every Father's day that comes and goes, at the end I have to just stop and be so grateful to have a dad that is always by my side, a wonderful Papa, such a hard worker, a believer in Christ, and that is still here for me to love!! I just can't imagine the day when I will not have my parents, because I don't think I will ever know how much I take them for granted. I don't have perfect parents but I know without a doubt that I got parents that love me and my kids unconditional.

 I have always been a daddy's girl, but besides that my dad never gave up on me when the whole world had gave up on me, my dad was always there for me. The words I say will never describe how much I love him!! He truly owns a huge part of my heart!! I love you Daddy!!

A vent session....

 Sometimes we have feelings and the best way to get them out is to just vent! Writing my feelings down helps me out a lot more than telling someone because I really hate for people to feel sorry for me but I know getting it out is good for the soul. So here goes...... Last week my husband lost his job again so we are once again "jobless". I am not at all upset with my husband because I know he is a great worker and he will work his butt off. I try really hard to not worry because I know the famous "Sermon on the Mount" God will take care of us. Being a mother, it is so hard to not worry how you are going to feed you kids. I have never been a materialistic person. I just want the feeling of being normal. I like to eat steak but I am perfectly happy with eating hamburger helper if need be, I like to shop like any other girl but I can be just as happy shopping in a thrift store or the Family Dollar. It is not that I believe that God will not take care of me, because I do know he will. I just wish I could take the worry completely out of me. I envy the people I see that never worry. I pray that I will one day have that spiritual gift. The feeling I have is, what will my kids have to miss out on while we are in the process of "job hunting". I don't want my kids to suffer, but I am aware that my kids have a great life but, being a mother that loves her kids, I want the best for them. I don't want to question God by any means but, I can't help but wonder what this greater plan is. I feel guilty for even saying that but just writing what is going through this head of mine.
  I must give propts to my wonderful sister that is such a spiritual mentor to me. She called me to cheer me up and she really did. She told me that if I was a true Christian and did not have and tormoil then I would not look forward to heaven. If my life was great here on earth, why would I want to go to heaven? She also told me that if I look at other people I know that don't live for God and always ask "why is there life so easy, it could be that this is the only life they will have. She really did help me. I am so glad she called me soon after it happened because I really was a mess. Not saying that I am good now because as I mentioned I can't get that little bit of worry out of me. I have to keep trying to clear my head. It is almost now as if I am putting on a "poker face" for everyone, when I am really just sad full of emotions. I know I am not the only one this is happening to, so I guess that is why I carry the "poker face".
 This happened to us almost exactly one year ago, and I was such a mess then. I became a complete "shut in". I feel myself trying to stay in the house but I really don't won't to do that this time. I don't won't to get that depressed. I just keep praying that God will help me to keep a open mind and give it all to him. If anyone is reading this, please pray that doesn't happen this time. Once you get so depressed it is really hard to come out of it, even if things do start turning around in your life. I am always in shock how when it rains it pours in my life. Let me give you a recap.... First, Michael was put in ICU with his sugar over 700. Next, my dad is in the hospital with pnemonia, but they was thinking it was a blood clot in his lungs. Next, Michael loses his job. Not to mention so personal things I had going on in my life in between. All of this happened in like two months. It kinda scares you, to not even won't to open your eyes the next day. I have really really tried to stay positive this time. So now that I have vented, I am going to close with a scripture from God....

Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will direct your paths.

Proverbs 3, 5-6

 

Wordless Wednesday...... Josh and my dad dressed up for Easter!!

Kirk Cameron doing a " Growing pains" recap!!

Five Question Friday!!!

1. What Christmas song do you loathe?

WOW!! I think I love all Christmas songs but I guess my least fave. is.... Silent Night just because it is slow and I like all the upbeat ones best. I still do like that song too!!

2. Do you and your significant other cuddle at night or sleep on opposite sides of the bed?    

Most of the time we sleep on opposite sides of the bed!! I think you call that having kids!! LOL

3. Have you ever had surgery?

 Yes, I had eye surgery when I was 6, tubes put in and taken out, I had back surgery, and I had a c- section with Miss Ada!!!

4. When do you typically have your holiday shopping done?

 A couple of days before Christmas!!

5. If money were not an issue (and you HAD to pick something), what would your ultimate luxury item be?

Must be honest and say the good ole television!!

------------------------------------------

We still together!!!!

So, on this day four years ago, I started dating this guy!! During this time four years ago, I was not ready to date and this guy kept wanting me to go out with him, so on this day four years ago I finally went on a small date with him. He was SO shy but we just drove around for maybe two hours and talked and the night ended back in a McDonald's parking lot for me to get my car. I had to make the first move by saying " Are you going to kiss me or what? Well, four years later, we are still together!! We have for sure had a bumpy road but have made a beautiful family and this coming May will have been married for one year! I hope to grow old with Michael and have grand babies together!! A toast to many more years to come!!!

Wordless Wednesday: Ada's hair in the morning time!!!

Rascal Flatts Bless the Broken Road

This song really has meaning to me, the words about others who broke my heart, I believe it was all part of a greater plan!!! Michael and I have our bumps in the road but at the end of the day, we have each other I truly believe that God blessed the broken road that led me to him.

I got a camera!!!

If anyone that knows me, know I love to take pictures well I got me a new camera so watch out because I got a lot of picture to make up on!!! Thought I would throw up Ada with food all over her face with her daddy!!

Update on Michael and the job situation

 While I was blogging thought I would give and update on Michael. He just had his 34th birthday and boy is he down about it. He keeps saying only six more years till the big 40! He is still working at Curtis Wright and he does love the job but it is going on 4 months now and he is still not hired on. We are staying strong for that part. Both of us do really need insurance and he is a diabetic!! We are learning to trust God more. We are both really working on not worrying ourselves to death. Our wonderful preacher has helped us as well. We have been talking to him once a week and I think it has did wonders. We have truly started to learn how to "fireproof' our marriage. Thank you God for being there for us.

Forgiveness is such an easy word, but so hard to do when you been hurt

From the words of one of my favorite Kellie Pickler song, "forgiveness is such an easy word, but it is so hard to do, when you been hurt." How true is that, I have had to do alot to forgiveness this past month but God has helped me and I did it. I think I finally gave my first ex husband for the way he did my precious kids and I forgave my husband for some small things and it was pretty easy to forgive him because I love him.

 About a month ago I messed up when I seen my ex husband on Facebook. I seen his picture and I could not help but send him a couple of words. I wish I would have just let it go but.... well he wrote me back and all the things he said did not bother me because I truly believe that neither of us had feelings for each other. It had to be the worst 4 years of my life but every broken road led me straight to hear so I will take it. One of the things he told me and gave me facts too, was that while I was working, he slept with one of my "best friends"!! Wow!! that cut like a knife. I really don't care what he did because I am sure she is not the only one but I thought my friend was a true friend. I know that is the past but I just hate to find out that I was made another fool by someone. I keep trying to forget about it but it just want go away yet. I am praying for God to help me because this is something that God will have to take over. I know this is beyond my control. I seen her since then and I told her what my ex said and by the look in her face, I know it is true. I already knew it was true from all the facts he gave me but, I know it is over and I will heal but I know I got to heal without her. God knows I love this girl, I have really stood by her but I see that I must let her go and I know I still must forgive them both because God tell me too but I know I can also let her go. I am working on the forgiveness part.   

Colossians 3:13 Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.(NIV)

I know the Lord forgives me everyday and he died for my sins. My heart is just heavy at the moment but the Lord will see me through! I know if the wrong person reads this they will wonder why I put this out there but this is my blog and my way to heal. Sorry, I did not mention any names.

 

Giving up on worrying........

Lately I must say I have been feeling a sense of relief with my life. I know it all came from the man upstairs, prayer is amazing and I do know that but I am human and did get weak. I still have most of my same problems but with the help of prayer, my wonderful church family, great friends, and more...I learned to not worry  and for the most part I think I finally learned how to just give it all to God!! That was so hard, when I would hear people say that. I just did not understand how to give money problems to God, well I now see that if I could not truly give it to him then I did not have faith in my wonderful Lord!! I now believe he will take care of me and it is crazy but I feel myself getting better. People trust me when I say this, worrying can make you sick!! I was not sleeping, turning to food and just a wreck!! All I did was worry about how we was going to pay this, how we gonna make sure the kids get a good Christmas, how we gonna eat, where is Michael gonna work, and so on and so on..... It was making me depressed and just taking over my life!! What a eye opener it was for me to learn the definition of the word "worry"- It means to torture oneself with thought. It means to actually torment yourself!! What?? Why torment yourself when God is telling you and begging you to just give everything to him!! I pray that I keep this positive attitude I have and just keep asking God to help me because I can really tell a difference!! It feels almost like a weight has been lifted off of me. I now just feel guilty for not having strong faith in God before. Michael got laid off of his job and I just kinda gave up there for a second. I know the past is the past and I know God forgives me, I just hope I learn from that mistake and stay strong the next time "the devil" comes prowling. I know he will always be on me but I was reminded that " God knows ALL temptation".  We have a wonderful God and I am so glad to know him and thankful for that cross!!!

Days of Elijah (Worship Video w/ Lyrics) HD

In with the new and out with the old...........

 In with the new and out with the old......... that means to me getting rid of all the negative comments I have been getting lately and bringing in positive comments only!!! You should only be with people who uplift you!! Why is it that people that are "supposed to care for you"   why do they have to let you know you have gained weight over and over again??? First of all, trust me, if you are a female, you know when you gain weight. Second, if they are concerned about your health why say something over and over again? Why not say it in a nice way?  I am just saying, if I had a buck for every comment I have gotten about my weight, I would be rich. I know I need to lose weight but it hurts me that know one seems to care that maybe I have gained because I am depressed. I have really had alot going on in my life so I chose to close myself up in my home. I have been closed up for awhile and my family knows I have been depressed and they see me and the first thing I hear from most people is you are getting to big Amanda!! Amanda, you need to lose weight!! Amanda, you can't get no bigger! Wow!! thanks my loving family.... love you to.. It is ok because I know I will snap back. I have gained weight before and I have always lost it. I am almost sure I will this time with the feedback I am getting. Theme of my blog....... be nice and think before you stab someone in the heart.