Sunday, January 30, 2011

Rascal Flatts Bless the Broken Road

This song really has meaning to me, the words about others who broke my heart, I believe it was all part of a greater plan!!! Michael and I have our bumps in the road but at the end of the day, we have each other I truly believe that God blessed the broken road that led me to him.

I got a camera!!!

If anyone that knows me, know I love to take pictures well I got me a new camera so watch out because I got a lot of picture to make up on!!! Thought I would throw up Ada with food all over her face with her daddy!!

Update on Michael and the job situation

 While I was blogging thought I would give and update on Michael. He just had his 34th birthday and boy is he down about it. He keeps saying only six more years till the big 40! He is still working at Curtis Wright and he does love the job but it is going on 4 months now and he is still not hired on. We are staying strong for that part. Both of us do really need insurance and he is a diabetic!! We are learning to trust God more. We are both really working on not worrying ourselves to death. Our wonderful preacher has helped us as well. We have been talking to him once a week and I think it has did wonders. We have truly started to learn how to "fireproof' our marriage. Thank you God for being there for us.

Forgiveness is such an easy word, but so hard to do when you been hurt

From the words of one of my favorite Kellie Pickler song, "forgiveness is such an easy word, but it is so hard to do, when you been hurt." How true is that, I have had to do alot to forgiveness this past month but God has helped me and I did it. I think I finally gave my first ex husband for the way he did my precious kids and I forgave my husband for some small things and it was pretty easy to forgive him because I love him.
 About a month ago I messed up when I seen my ex husband on Facebook. I seen his picture and I could not help but send him a couple of words. I wish I would have just let it go but.... well he wrote me back and all the things he said did not bother me because I truly believe that neither of us had feelings for each other. It had to be the worst 4 years of my life but every broken road led me straight to hear so I will take it. One of the things he told me and gave me facts too, was that while I was working, he slept with one of my "best friends"!! Wow!! that cut like a knife. I really don't care what he did because I am sure she is not the only one but I thought my friend was a true friend. I know that is the past but I just hate to find out that I was made another fool by someone. I keep trying to forget about it but it just want go away yet. I am praying for God to help me because this is something that God will have to take over. I know this is beyond my control. I seen her since then and I told her what my ex said and by the look in her face, I know it is true. I already knew it was true from all the facts he gave me but, I know it is over and I will heal but I know I got to heal without her. God knows I love this girl, I have really stood by her but I see that I must let her go and I know I still must forgive them both because God tell me too but I know I can also let her go. I am working on the forgiveness part.   
    Colossians 3:13 Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.(NIV)
I know the Lord forgives me everyday and he died for my sins. My heart is just heavy at the moment but the Lord will see me through! I know if the wrong person reads this they will wonder why I put this out there but this is my blog and my way to heal. Sorry, I did not mention any names.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Giving up on worrying........

Lately I must say I have been feeling a sense of relief with my life. I know it all came from the man upstairs, prayer is amazing and I do know that but I am human and did get weak. I still have most of my same problems but with the help of prayer, my wonderful church family, great friends, and more...I learned to not worry  and for the most part I think I finally learned how to just give it all to God!! That was so hard, when I would hear people say that. I just did not understand how to give money problems to God, well I now see that if I could not truly give it to him then I did not have faith in my wonderful Lord!! I now believe he will take care of me and it is crazy but I feel myself getting better. People trust me when I say this, worrying can make you sick!! I was not sleeping, turning to food and just a wreck!! All I did was worry about how we was going to pay this, how we gonna make sure the kids get a good Christmas, how we gonna eat, where is Michael gonna work, and so on and so on..... It was making me depressed and just taking over my life!! What a eye opener it was for me to learn the definition of the word "worry"- It means to torture oneself with thought. It means to actually torment yourself!! What?? Why torment yourself when God is telling you and begging you to just give everything to him!! I pray that I keep this positive attitude I have and just keep asking God to help me because I can really tell a difference!! It feels almost like a weight has been lifted off of me. I now just feel guilty for not having strong faith in God before. Michael got laid off of his job and I just kinda gave up there for a second. I know the past is the past and I know God forgives me, I just hope I learn from that mistake and stay strong the next time "the devil" comes prowling. I know he will always be on me but I was reminded that " God knows ALL temptation".  We have a wonderful God and I am so glad to know him and thankful for that cross!!!

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

In with the new and out with the old...........

 In with the new and out with the old......... that means to me getting rid of all the negative comments I have been getting lately and bringing in positive comments only!!! You should only be with people who uplift you!! Why is it that people that are "supposed to care for you"   why do they have to let you know you have gained weight over and over again??? First of all, trust me, if you are a female, you know when you gain weight. Second, if they are concerned about your health why say something over and over again? Why not say it in a nice way?  I am just saying, if I had a buck for every comment I have gotten about my weight, I would be rich. I know I need to lose weight but it hurts me that know one seems to care that maybe I have gained because I am depressed. I have really had alot going on in my life so I chose to close myself up in my home. I have been closed up for awhile and my family knows I have been depressed and they see me and the first thing I hear from most people is you are getting to big Amanda!! Amanda, you need to lose weight!! Amanda, you can't get no bigger! Wow!! thanks my loving family.... love you to.. It is ok because I know I will snap back. I have gained weight before and I have always lost it. I am almost sure I will this time with the feedback I am getting. Theme of my blog....... be nice and think before you stab someone in the heart.