Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Wordless Wednesday... Mudbogging

In the hospital once again...

    Over the past weekend, we enjoyed another stay in the hospital. 
Friday morning, Michael was on his way to work and after he dropped the kids off at school he had to stop and throw up. He had been really sick for about three weeks so he decided to go the the emergency room. When he got there and let them know he was a diabetic, they checked sugar and it was off the charts. After blood work it came back to be over 700. They made a choice really quick to admit him in the hospital. We did not actually get a room in the hospital till about 11:00 that night because the hospital was full.
After we got a room, he ended up staying there till Monday morning. It is now Wednesday and his sugar is still above 200.

 I worry so much about him, I just can't imagine my life without him. I just pray that I will get the Michael back that feels good. He is just always so tired and not feeling good. He has been really watching what he eats but this time he was not really eating bad before his sugar spiked and the doctors are not really sure why it did spike so high. I just pray that we will both get to raise my precious kids, and Michael will continue to watch what he eats.

Monday, September 3, 2012

Let them talk..

  I think there comes a time in every one's life where you just realize that everyone is going to talk about you so you start to laugh about it. I have had family, friends, so called best friends, people I work with, people I go to church with, and friends of friends talk about me. It is crazy and it is a little sad but I guess it is true... they really have nothing better to do. It is a shame that people will concentrate so hard on making another persons life a mess as if in this time and age everyone don't already have enough problems. 
 So it is true, all you can do is smile about it and keep your head held high. I also let my inner goddess smirk at the fact I am so important to other people... One day it will be that we all love each other and I wait for that day!! A day at peace with no crazy jealousy, no hate, just love for one another!!

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Fan Appreciation Day At Clemson!!

 This past Sunday, the family and I went to fan appreciation day at Clemson University!! I am pleased to say the we had so much fun! Josh and Katie was getting all the autographs that they could and I will admit that I even seen Josh break in front of a few people. We did not get Sammy Watkins autograph :( the line for him was just absolutely crazy. We did try but if we would have got his we would not have had time to get other autographs and pictures. The main person I wanted was Dabo Swinney  and we did get his along with some great snap shots! I love Dabo, I love to hear him talk and think he is a wonderful coach, The funniest story behind our little trip to see Dabo is, the whole trip up to Clemson, Michael was like.. I will be sure you get Dabo's autograph and just being all tough with the ego of a "man" well as soon as we got close to Dabo and it was our time to go up to him... Michael got starstruck and forgot about me being the one that loves Dabo. Michael hands me the camera and says take my picture, and then Dabo speaks to Michael and he studers. He could not even talk!! Finally after Michael was done and he takes my picture with him,

 It was just a wonderful day. It was things I did not get to do as I was growing up just because football was not my family's thing. I now could not live without football!! I love football

Monday, August 13, 2012

Too blessed to be stressed...

   Too blessed to be stressed.. Those are the words I have been trying to remember this week, I guess it has been a bittersweet week for me, and the good always out weighs the bad if you just stop and think about it.
 Within this week my two girls have started cheer leading practice and my son has started football practice and with that it includes trips to the shoe store to buy the right kind of shoes for the sport and for Josh you have to buy helmet and pads ( all that football stuff). The bitter part of the story is that my car has been in the shop all week. What a bummer and when you don't have a car, boy do you become grateful for you car when you do have it. When I get my car back I am giving her a good bath and going to buy a new front plate or something. LOL
 Moving on to a better note, my kids are all doing a sport now and school starts in a week, so we are about to start a busy time for our family, but I feel really blessed that I am able to put my kids in sports and feel even more blessed that Michael will be able to watch them this year!! He has been on second shift for so long and the kids have really missed him watching them do there sports.
 So we have been stressed being without a car and hitching a ride to this place and that place but more so we are so blessed to have the things we do have. I thank God everyday for my many blessings....

Friday, July 20, 2012

Finially first shift!!!

After almost 3 years of working second shift, my husband finally gets first shift!!! Yay!! 
Working second shift is a hard shift to work but add the fact that you always work a couple of hours overtime and it is worse. 
 Michael worked two days second shift this week and on Tuesday night they told him to come back Wednesday morning and start first shift. That was a little hard but that was OK because we was so excited to have first shift!! 
 The even better news to this, is that it is just in time for football season. Football season is like candy to our little family and the last couple of years sucked because I had to go to some high school football games with just me and the kids. I am so excited to know that my husband can now go with me!! Yay
 I am very thankful to God for this because first shift is also gonna be so much better for Michael's health and his spiritual life. If you are a diabetic it is very important that you live you life on a schedule and eat at the same time everyday. When Michael works second shift he usually only eats twice a day and that is not good. The past couple of days that he has worked first he has ate three times a day. Fingers crossed, this will make all of his sugar problems go away.
 Last but not least is Michael's spiritual life... When Michael became the most spiritual in his life was when he was on first shift. It was a great time for us. He really enjoyed going to church every time the doors were open  and I am just praying that this is what God has planned for our life again.

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Tumbling and dance recital 2012

 Late I know but I must brag about my babies tumbling/dance recital.This year Katie took tumbling and Ada took ballet/tap. I will admit, it was very expensive for us to keep up with at times. You have a monthly fee, buy dance uniforms, recital fees, recital pictures, recital DVDs, etc. It has to be the most expensive sport yet but when I seen my babies perform, I was so very proud. You forget about all the money. I cried and I mean I cried. It was a very proud moment in my life and I would do it all over again... This year, both the girls want to take cheer leading and that will make me just as proud :)

The biological past

 Today I am writing with something that has been on my mind and it is possible that I have blogged about this before but not sure. My ex husband ( Josh and Katie's biological father) has started paying child support for maybe the past year and a half. I will admit it is nice to get the money but I really hate having to answer the questions about him to my kids. He has only seen Katie once in her life and it was not when she was born it was when she was about six months old... Let me just start from day one with him...
 I met him in a rehab when I was 19 years old ( I think) I was young and partied a little too hard one night and I woke up in a rehab that my mom had put me in. Anyways, I was young and had never really been in love and this guy showed my lots of attention and that was all it took. I didn't even care about the fact that he was very badly addicted to crack cocaine. My mom didn't care either because the religion he chose to believe in was Jehovah's Witness, she loved him maybe more than I did. She actually bought my engagement ring and gave it to him to give to me. She planned our wedding, I had no idea who was going to be in my wedding till the day of. Oh the stories of my mom. After we got married our life was pretty good, I got pregnant with Josh pretty soon afterwards and everything seemed to be normal till Josh was maybe two months old. I went to the beach with my parents and he stayed home. He could not go because of his work, I called him one night from the beach because I had a really strange feeling.. boy was that feeling ever so right. When I called he told me he had been smoking crack since I left and lost his job. I didn't know what to do. I was scared to tell my parents that night because I didn't want to ruin there trip. I eventually ended up telling them and we came home early. When we got home, I had No idea where he was, my car was gone and my the inside of my house looked like I had been robbed. He had sold everything for crack including my car. He had checked himself into a rehab. I remember feeling so blank and empty. I had to call the police and they found my car in a really bad neighborhood. I was scared for my life because these people bought my car with drugs. I took him back and this happened over and over again for two years non stop. The love I had for him was gone but I just didn't know what to do. Finally when I was pregnant with Katie and I was working, I waited tables and I came home and I went to the restroom and when I got out I seen him run out the door. I knew he had stole my money. I chased him and he got in the car started backing up, I was holding on and I fell on my belly. I was 7 months pregnant and I started bleeding. He kept on driving and left me laying there. I got to the ER and everything was ok buy how dirty?? I remember my baby shower was the next day and I was just so sad during my pregnancy with Katie and I now feel guilty for that. He went to rehab again then and stayed till the week before I had Katie but I had already made the decision to leave him. The day before I had Katie I had to have him arrested to get him to leave my house, so when I had Katie, it was just me and my mama. That will make you hate a man.  
 I feel like I worked so hard on making myself forgive him or at least not wanting him dead and then after 9 years he pops back in to my life and has been paying child support. He even spent $1200.00 on Josh an xbox and Katie an ipod. I don't know what to do. It really pisses me off that he is living a good life and seems to have lots of money now when my and my kids and really struggled.
 All I do know is that I am very thankful for my husband. He has been such a blessing to my babies and such a great dad. He hates the fact that he is sending gifts to Josh and Katie because he feels like there dad. I don't want him to hurt either. I pray that God will help me with this situation..

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Thinking about the times with my Miss. Hardin

Up late and wish I could go to sleep but thanks to my three year old, I guess we will be staying up tonight. I was flipping the remote and came across the show "The Golden Girls'. I love this show, but it was the strangest feeling tonight as I was watching the show, I could feel myself in my grandma's house when I was little watching that show. I could feel the heat in her house, because she use to keep her house so hot. I could just feel the whole scene of us watching this show, up late at night like we use to. I do miss her, I use to stay with her a lot on weekends and I always had fun. She would let me paint her nails and fix her hair, man did she love to shop. Because she drove so slow, it use to take us forever to get to the mall but once we got there, she could out walk me in the mall. She was someone that never judged people, once I was a teenager and got into an argument with my mom, I could go spend the night with her and she would ask no questions and still have my cereal ready for me the next morning. I remember I always called her Mrs. Hardin because everyone around me called her that, anyways she use to ask me to call her Grandma or Minnie. I remember trying but it just never sounded right to me. I sure do wish now that I would have called her one of those names. Most importantly she loved the Lord, she use to love dressing up and going to church. My mom raised me as a Jehovah's wittiness and she use to beg me to just try going to church and every since the day she went to be with the Lord I have attended her home church. I miss my grandma (aka, Miss Hardin and Melvenna)

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Two year Anniversary

Happy Two Year Anniversary to my wonderful husband and I!!
 It is so hard to believe it has been two year already, but we have made it and we are happy. Not to say we have not had our ups and downs because it is no secret that the devil has pulled at us in every way these past two years. I truly think that has made us even stronger, they say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger...... WOW if that is not the truth I don't know what is. I must admit that I do hope the worst is behind us and now we just move forward but I think we are both aware that if the devil is not on your back then you are not living like you should. 
 I feel so lucky to have slipped up and met a man that loves Josh and Katie like they are his and that does everything he can to make us happy. I pray this next year together will just bring us even more closer to God, to each other, and just close as a family. I love you Michael Dwayne Tuck and hope to have many many more years with you.

Monday, May 14, 2012

Josh's 11th and Katie's 9th Birthday party!!

 My babies are growing up and that is no secret!! This year I tried to make them have a special birthday party and it seemed successful, I had it at Trinity Health and fittnes and it was a swim party. I, like any other parent was so worried that nobody would show up but this year I am so thankful for everyone that showed up and showed my kids love. There was such a great turn out that I did not even get a piece of cake! Every kid that left said they had a great time and Josh and Katie had the biggest smiles on there face the whole time. By the end of the party I was one tired but happy mama!!

A poem that touched me


© Potsim And Pikachu
I was once sad and lonely,
Having nobody to comfort me,
So I wore a mask that always smiled;
To hide my feelings behind a lie.

Before long, I had many friends;
With my mask, I was one of them.
But deep inside, I still felt empty,
Like I was missing a part of me.

Nobody could hear my cries at night
For I designed my mask to hide the lies.
Nobody could see the pain I was feeling
For I designed my mask to be laughing.

Behind all the smiles were the tears
And behind all the comfort were the fears.
Everything you think you see,
Wasn't everything there was to me.

Day by day,
I was slowly dying.
I couldn't go on,
There was something missing..

Until now I'm still searching
For the thing that'll stop my crying.
For someone who'll erase my fears,
For the person who'll wipe my tears.

But till then I'll keep on smiling.
Hiding behind this mask I'm wearing.
Hoping one day I can smile,
Till then, I'll be here.. waiting.

Source: My Mask That Always Smiled, Alone Poem

Monday, March 19, 2012

Slightly broken hearted....

   Today I made my Josh and Katie's birthday party plans and to my surprise... I created the event on face book to invite all my friends, well I go to pick people out of my church and as I am looking for all the people in my Sunday school class, none of them are my friends on face book. I have been dealing with a feeling of not being excepted in my church for about a year but for them to go and delete me... I just don't understand. Some of the people I don't hardly know but some of them I have known for a long time. I just don't get why these people are being so mean to me. I always considered myself a really nice person and Mayo first baptist is my home church and now I feel like they are just kicking me out. It took me years to find a church that I loved as much as I loved that church and it is like all of a sudden they just don't care about me..... I am hurt and I am determined to find me a new home church, I know it will take time but I know it will happen. When I do, I will never make someone feel the way this church has made me feel. I don't even know half these people but they know I am in there Sunday school class, and know that I have missed some Sunday's, it just seems they would be trying to get me back instead of pushing me away. I will pick my heart up and keep going but I pray they realize how they have hurt me. I really do..

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

What a dissappointment

I am a person that does not like change but I realize when it is time to make change. Over the past year my husband and I have not had a spiritual happiness. I am determined to find that happiness so I know I have got to move on and find a new church home. I was raised mostly  a Jehovah's witness and I know that is not what I want. As I was being raised I was always told that people in a church will look down on you and they are all hypocrites. I found that to be true in the church of Jehovah witnesses, I seen lots of different groups. I started going to a Baptist church and at first, not one person treated me different and my husband loved it! Well, that changed... The past year has been so uncomfortable to keep going and just hope that people will want to hang with us or maybe not act like we are in the room. I can't say how hurt I am. I have never seen this many fake people but I know I will find happiness again and if not at the next place I look I will keep searching!

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

My pity party

 I don't really know what is going on with me. I am so depressed lately and I can't seem to overcome it. My back pain is severe and the arthritis I have is just unbearable. I feel like I am always hiding my pain and I don't know why. I just pray that we get medical insurance soon. I know how bad I need medicine. The worst is that I have not been to school in 5 weeks :( The last week I went I took Josh and Katie with me to do there hair and I was crying in pain. I can't believe I jumped into this without thinking of my pain. I was just so happy when I got a call asking me did I want to come and do something I always wanted to do. I can't believe I am 32 and in so much pain