Thursday, July 19, 2012

The biological past

 Today I am writing with something that has been on my mind and it is possible that I have blogged about this before but not sure. My ex husband ( Josh and Katie's biological father) has started paying child support for maybe the past year and a half. I will admit it is nice to get the money but I really hate having to answer the questions about him to my kids. He has only seen Katie once in her life and it was not when she was born it was when she was about six months old... Let me just start from day one with him...
 I met him in a rehab when I was 19 years old ( I think) I was young and partied a little too hard one night and I woke up in a rehab that my mom had put me in. Anyways, I was young and had never really been in love and this guy showed my lots of attention and that was all it took. I didn't even care about the fact that he was very badly addicted to crack cocaine. My mom didn't care either because the religion he chose to believe in was Jehovah's Witness, she loved him maybe more than I did. She actually bought my engagement ring and gave it to him to give to me. She planned our wedding, I had no idea who was going to be in my wedding till the day of. Oh the stories of my mom. After we got married our life was pretty good, I got pregnant with Josh pretty soon afterwards and everything seemed to be normal till Josh was maybe two months old. I went to the beach with my parents and he stayed home. He could not go because of his work, I called him one night from the beach because I had a really strange feeling.. boy was that feeling ever so right. When I called he told me he had been smoking crack since I left and lost his job. I didn't know what to do. I was scared to tell my parents that night because I didn't want to ruin there trip. I eventually ended up telling them and we came home early. When we got home, I had No idea where he was, my car was gone and my the inside of my house looked like I had been robbed. He had sold everything for crack including my car. He had checked himself into a rehab. I remember feeling so blank and empty. I had to call the police and they found my car in a really bad neighborhood. I was scared for my life because these people bought my car with drugs. I took him back and this happened over and over again for two years non stop. The love I had for him was gone but I just didn't know what to do. Finally when I was pregnant with Katie and I was working, I waited tables and I came home and I went to the restroom and when I got out I seen him run out the door. I knew he had stole my money. I chased him and he got in the car started backing up, I was holding on and I fell on my belly. I was 7 months pregnant and I started bleeding. He kept on driving and left me laying there. I got to the ER and everything was ok buy how dirty?? I remember my baby shower was the next day and I was just so sad during my pregnancy with Katie and I now feel guilty for that. He went to rehab again then and stayed till the week before I had Katie but I had already made the decision to leave him. The day before I had Katie I had to have him arrested to get him to leave my house, so when I had Katie, it was just me and my mama. That will make you hate a man.  
 I feel like I worked so hard on making myself forgive him or at least not wanting him dead and then after 9 years he pops back in to my life and has been paying child support. He even spent $1200.00 on Josh an xbox and Katie an ipod. I don't know what to do. It really pisses me off that he is living a good life and seems to have lots of money now when my and my kids and really struggled.
 All I do know is that I am very thankful for my husband. He has been such a blessing to my babies and such a great dad. He hates the fact that he is sending gifts to Josh and Katie because he feels like there dad. I don't want him to hurt either. I pray that God will help me with this situation..

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