Tuesday, May 24, 2011

A vent session....

 Sometimes we have feelings and the best way to get them out is to just vent! Writing my feelings down helps me out a lot more than telling someone because I really hate for people to feel sorry for me but I know getting it out is good for the soul. So here goes...... Last week my husband lost his job again so we are once again "jobless". I am not at all upset with my husband because I know he is a great worker and he will work his butt off. I try really hard to not worry because I know the famous "Sermon on the Mount" God will take care of us. Being a mother, it is so hard to not worry how you are going to feed you kids. I have never been a materialistic person. I just want the feeling of being normal. I like to eat steak but I am perfectly happy with eating hamburger helper if need be, I like to shop like any other girl but I can be just as happy shopping in a thrift store or the Family Dollar. It is not that I believe that God will not take care of me, because I do know he will. I just wish I could take the worry completely out of me. I envy the people I see that never worry. I pray that I will one day have that spiritual gift. The feeling I have is, what will my kids have to miss out on while we are in the process of "job hunting". I don't want my kids to suffer, but I am aware that my kids have a great life but, being a mother that loves her kids, I want the best for them. I don't want to question God by any means but, I can't help but wonder what this greater plan is. I feel guilty for even saying that but just writing what is going through this head of mine.
  I must give propts to my wonderful sister that is such a spiritual mentor to me. She called me to cheer me up and she really did. She told me that if I was a true Christian and did not have and tormoil then I would not look forward to heaven. If my life was great here on earth, why would I want to go to heaven? She also told me that if I look at other people I know that don't live for God and always ask "why is there life so easy, it could be that this is the only life they will have. She really did help me. I am so glad she called me soon after it happened because I really was a mess. Not saying that I am good now because as I mentioned I can't get that little bit of worry out of me. I have to keep trying to clear my head. It is almost now as if I am putting on a "poker face" for everyone, when I am really just sad full of emotions. I know I am not the only one this is happening to, so I guess that is why I carry the "poker face".
 This happened to us almost exactly one year ago, and I was such a mess then. I became a complete "shut in". I feel myself trying to stay in the house but I really don't won't to do that this time. I don't won't to get that depressed. I just keep praying that God will help me to keep a open mind and give it all to him. If anyone is reading this, please pray that doesn't happen this time. Once you get so depressed it is really hard to come out of it, even if things do start turning around in your life. I am always in shock how when it rains it pours in my life. Let me give you a recap.... First, Michael was put in ICU with his sugar over 700. Next, my dad is in the hospital with pnemonia, but they was thinking it was a blood clot in his lungs. Next, Michael loses his job. Not to mention so personal things I had going on in my life in between. All of this happened in like two months. It kinda scares you, to not even won't to open your eyes the next day. I have really really tried to stay positive this time. So now that I have vented, I am going to close with a scripture from God....

Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will direct your paths.
Proverbs 3, 5-6


Wordless Wednesday...... Josh and my dad dressed up for Easter!!