Monday, May 10, 2010

Mother's Day

Mother's Day.... This year Mother's day was good for me but I made the mistake of letting Josh and Katie go spend the night a friends house so I woke up and really, really missed my babies and then I went to church without them and it just got worse. When I got home, Michael went and got them for me because I guess he knew how bad I was depressed because I was away from them. Things were better once they were home. They gave me my gifts witch were a bracelet that they got me from Helzberg's together and then some homemade gifts (witch are always the best when they come from your babies) After they got home I was still kinda sad for the rest of the day and I guess it is maybe because Michael and I just don't have family on holiday's like other family's. My mom don't celebrate holiday's so my dad just stays in bed all day and I guess my sisters do to and then Michael just don't have closeness to his family, so I guess just seeing everyone else close to their family yesterday got me depressed. I cried so much yesterday and I wish I would not have. I just hope our family we are building will be close. I don't won't my kids to ever fill that emptiness I have always felt on holiday's. I think all holidays should always be about family. I really hate the way my family is so disfuntional. If my mother did not have a dinner for all holidays and wanted respect for her religion it would be different but my mother does have a dinner on Christmas, but she don't celebrate it!! Lord please let me give my kids all the family they need. Please don't anyone get me wrong, I do respect and love my mother, I guess that is why it hurts because I want to be with her on Mother's day and show her how much I love her but all she can say is, Now you know I don't celebrate holidays!! It has a chain reaction to my whole family, you don't see any of them. Before Michael's Grandmother passed away we did go to her house and I was busy with his family but now he hardly talks to his family. Before that I was always working on Mother's day so this was the first one I just felt alone.
Next year.. I will start something new!! I am going to start having a small Mother's day dinner at my house every year because I want my kids to grow knowing that is a day of family time. Mother's day was still great because I am so blessed to have my wonderful babies. They are AWESOME!! I love them so much!! They were happy it was just me a little sad. I am so very lucky for our little family Michael and I have in these walls of our home. I love them all so much!!

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