Happy Father's Day 2011

Happy Father's Day 2011 to my wonderful Daddy.....
 Every Father's day that comes and goes, at the end I have to just stop and be so grateful to have a dad that is always by my side, a wonderful Papa, such a hard worker, a believer in Christ, and that is still here for me to love!! I just can't imagine the day when I will not have my parents, because I don't think I will ever know how much I take them for granted. I don't have perfect parents but I know without a doubt that I got parents that love me and my kids unconditional.

 I have always been a daddy's girl, but besides that my dad never gave up on me when the whole world had gave up on me, my dad was always there for me. The words I say will never describe how much I love him!! He truly owns a huge part of my heart!! I love you Daddy!!

A vent session....

 Sometimes we have feelings and the best way to get them out is to just vent! Writing my feelings down helps me out a lot more than telling someone because I really hate for people to feel sorry for me but I know getting it out is good for the soul. So here goes...... Last week my husband lost his job again so we are once again "jobless". I am not at all upset with my husband because I know he is a great worker and he will work his butt off. I try really hard to not worry because I know the famous "Sermon on the Mount" God will take care of us. Being a mother, it is so hard to not worry how you are going to feed you kids. I have never been a materialistic person. I just want the feeling of being normal. I like to eat steak but I am perfectly happy with eating hamburger helper if need be, I like to shop like any other girl but I can be just as happy shopping in a thrift store or the Family Dollar. It is not that I believe that God will not take care of me, because I do know he will. I just wish I could take the worry completely out of me. I envy the people I see that never worry. I pray that I will one day have that spiritual gift. The feeling I have is, what will my kids have to miss out on while we are in the process of "job hunting". I don't want my kids to suffer, but I am aware that my kids have a great life but, being a mother that loves her kids, I want the best for them. I don't want to question God by any means but, I can't help but wonder what this greater plan is. I feel guilty for even saying that but just writing what is going through this head of mine.
  I must give propts to my wonderful sister that is such a spiritual mentor to me. She called me to cheer me up and she really did. She told me that if I was a true Christian and did not have and tormoil then I would not look forward to heaven. If my life was great here on earth, why would I want to go to heaven? She also told me that if I look at other people I know that don't live for God and always ask "why is there life so easy, it could be that this is the only life they will have. She really did help me. I am so glad she called me soon after it happened because I really was a mess. Not saying that I am good now because as I mentioned I can't get that little bit of worry out of me. I have to keep trying to clear my head. It is almost now as if I am putting on a "poker face" for everyone, when I am really just sad full of emotions. I know I am not the only one this is happening to, so I guess that is why I carry the "poker face".
 This happened to us almost exactly one year ago, and I was such a mess then. I became a complete "shut in". I feel myself trying to stay in the house but I really don't won't to do that this time. I don't won't to get that depressed. I just keep praying that God will help me to keep a open mind and give it all to him. If anyone is reading this, please pray that doesn't happen this time. Once you get so depressed it is really hard to come out of it, even if things do start turning around in your life. I am always in shock how when it rains it pours in my life. Let me give you a recap.... First, Michael was put in ICU with his sugar over 700. Next, my dad is in the hospital with pnemonia, but they was thinking it was a blood clot in his lungs. Next, Michael loses his job. Not to mention so personal things I had going on in my life in between. All of this happened in like two months. It kinda scares you, to not even won't to open your eyes the next day. I have really really tried to stay positive this time. So now that I have vented, I am going to close with a scripture from God....

Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will direct your paths.

Proverbs 3, 5-6

 

Wordless Wednesday...... Josh and my dad dressed up for Easter!!

Kirk Cameron doing a " Growing pains" recap!!

Five Question Friday!!!

1. What Christmas song do you loathe?

WOW!! I think I love all Christmas songs but I guess my least fave. is.... Silent Night just because it is slow and I like all the upbeat ones best. I still do like that song too!!

2. Do you and your significant other cuddle at night or sleep on opposite sides of the bed?    

Most of the time we sleep on opposite sides of the bed!! I think you call that having kids!! LOL

3. Have you ever had surgery?

 Yes, I had eye surgery when I was 6, tubes put in and taken out, I had back surgery, and I had a c- section with Miss Ada!!!

4. When do you typically have your holiday shopping done?

 A couple of days before Christmas!!

5. If money were not an issue (and you HAD to pick something), what would your ultimate luxury item be?

Must be honest and say the good ole television!!

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We still together!!!!

So, on this day four years ago, I started dating this guy!! During this time four years ago, I was not ready to date and this guy kept wanting me to go out with him, so on this day four years ago I finally went on a small date with him. He was SO shy but we just drove around for maybe two hours and talked and the night ended back in a McDonald's parking lot for me to get my car. I had to make the first move by saying " Are you going to kiss me or what? Well, four years later, we are still together!! We have for sure had a bumpy road but have made a beautiful family and this coming May will have been married for one year! I hope to grow old with Michael and have grand babies together!! A toast to many more years to come!!!

Wordless Wednesday: Ada's hair in the morning time!!!

Rascal Flatts Bless the Broken Road

This song really has meaning to me, the words about others who broke my heart, I believe it was all part of a greater plan!!! Michael and I have our bumps in the road but at the end of the day, we have each other I truly believe that God blessed the broken road that led me to him.

I got a camera!!!

If anyone that knows me, know I love to take pictures well I got me a new camera so watch out because I got a lot of picture to make up on!!! Thought I would throw up Ada with food all over her face with her daddy!!

Update on Michael and the job situation

 While I was blogging thought I would give and update on Michael. He just had his 34th birthday and boy is he down about it. He keeps saying only six more years till the big 40! He is still working at Curtis Wright and he does love the job but it is going on 4 months now and he is still not hired on. We are staying strong for that part. Both of us do really need insurance and he is a diabetic!! We are learning to trust God more. We are both really working on not worrying ourselves to death. Our wonderful preacher has helped us as well. We have been talking to him once a week and I think it has did wonders. We have truly started to learn how to "fireproof' our marriage. Thank you God for being there for us.

Forgiveness is such an easy word, but so hard to do when you been hurt

From the words of one of my favorite Kellie Pickler song, "forgiveness is such an easy word, but it is so hard to do, when you been hurt." How true is that, I have had to do alot to forgiveness this past month but God has helped me and I did it. I think I finally gave my first ex husband for the way he did my precious kids and I forgave my husband for some small things and it was pretty easy to forgive him because I love him.

 About a month ago I messed up when I seen my ex husband on Facebook. I seen his picture and I could not help but send him a couple of words. I wish I would have just let it go but.... well he wrote me back and all the things he said did not bother me because I truly believe that neither of us had feelings for each other. It had to be the worst 4 years of my life but every broken road led me straight to hear so I will take it. One of the things he told me and gave me facts too, was that while I was working, he slept with one of my "best friends"!! Wow!! that cut like a knife. I really don't care what he did because I am sure she is not the only one but I thought my friend was a true friend. I know that is the past but I just hate to find out that I was made another fool by someone. I keep trying to forget about it but it just want go away yet. I am praying for God to help me because this is something that God will have to take over. I know this is beyond my control. I seen her since then and I told her what my ex said and by the look in her face, I know it is true. I already knew it was true from all the facts he gave me but, I know it is over and I will heal but I know I got to heal without her. God knows I love this girl, I have really stood by her but I see that I must let her go and I know I still must forgive them both because God tell me too but I know I can also let her go. I am working on the forgiveness part.   

Colossians 3:13 Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.(NIV)

I know the Lord forgives me everyday and he died for my sins. My heart is just heavy at the moment but the Lord will see me through! I know if the wrong person reads this they will wonder why I put this out there but this is my blog and my way to heal. Sorry, I did not mention any names.

 

Giving up on worrying........

Lately I must say I have been feeling a sense of relief with my life. I know it all came from the man upstairs, prayer is amazing and I do know that but I am human and did get weak. I still have most of my same problems but with the help of prayer, my wonderful church family, great friends, and more...I learned to not worry  and for the most part I think I finally learned how to just give it all to God!! That was so hard, when I would hear people say that. I just did not understand how to give money problems to God, well I now see that if I could not truly give it to him then I did not have faith in my wonderful Lord!! I now believe he will take care of me and it is crazy but I feel myself getting better. People trust me when I say this, worrying can make you sick!! I was not sleeping, turning to food and just a wreck!! All I did was worry about how we was going to pay this, how we gonna make sure the kids get a good Christmas, how we gonna eat, where is Michael gonna work, and so on and so on..... It was making me depressed and just taking over my life!! What a eye opener it was for me to learn the definition of the word "worry"- It means to torture oneself with thought. It means to actually torment yourself!! What?? Why torment yourself when God is telling you and begging you to just give everything to him!! I pray that I keep this positive attitude I have and just keep asking God to help me because I can really tell a difference!! It feels almost like a weight has been lifted off of me. I now just feel guilty for not having strong faith in God before. Michael got laid off of his job and I just kinda gave up there for a second. I know the past is the past and I know God forgives me, I just hope I learn from that mistake and stay strong the next time "the devil" comes prowling. I know he will always be on me but I was reminded that " God knows ALL temptation".  We have a wonderful God and I am so glad to know him and thankful for that cross!!!

Days of Elijah (Worship Video w/ Lyrics) HD

In with the new and out with the old...........

 In with the new and out with the old......... that means to me getting rid of all the negative comments I have been getting lately and bringing in positive comments only!!! You should only be with people who uplift you!! Why is it that people that are "supposed to care for you"   why do they have to let you know you have gained weight over and over again??? First of all, trust me, if you are a female, you know when you gain weight. Second, if they are concerned about your health why say something over and over again? Why not say it in a nice way?  I am just saying, if I had a buck for every comment I have gotten about my weight, I would be rich. I know I need to lose weight but it hurts me that know one seems to care that maybe I have gained because I am depressed. I have really had alot going on in my life so I chose to close myself up in my home. I have been closed up for awhile and my family knows I have been depressed and they see me and the first thing I hear from most people is you are getting to big Amanda!! Amanda, you need to lose weight!! Amanda, you can't get no bigger! Wow!! thanks my loving family.... love you to.. It is ok because I know I will snap back. I have gained weight before and I have always lost it. I am almost sure I will this time with the feedback I am getting. Theme of my blog....... be nice and think before you stab someone in the heart.

The Beatles- Hey Jude (with lyrics)

Let It Be - The Beatles - Lyrics

Wordless Wednesday.... Halloween 2010

My Nephew's car wreck

Last night we got a awful phone call that my nephew had been in a bad car accident. My sister calls me and we rush to the hospital, when we got there they were doing x-ray so we did not know yet how he was doing and know one had told us for sure how he was. Finally we get to see him and he looked really bad but from the past of me dealing with Katie's 4 wheeler wreck I knew that the looks of a wreck are usually always going to be scary. Then they started telling us how bad it was. They said his femer bone had been broke completely into and the bones in his heel were just crushed. He actually had bones sticking out of his skin. He also had a lot of gashes in his head and arms. They got him relaxed with some pain meds and today they did operate on him. It was a 3 hour surgery. We waited and my sister came home to get some things and as soon as she got home she got a call from the doctor during the surgery saying she needed to get back to the hospital to sign a consent form saying it was okay to give a blood transfusion. It seemed that he had lost a lot of blood or more than they expected. We got back to the hospital and waited for the doctor and finally he came and we did not get great news. The doctor told us that is was worse than he was hoping. The leg was broke in four places but that was not his main concern, it was the bones crushed in his heel. He said he was scared that the skin there was already dead and would not be able to heal. If it did not heal he said they would have to take his leg off!!! That is just devastating news. My nephew is only 23 years old and I am just praying that he will heal and they will not have to do this. My nephew just dealt with his dad not being in his life but then seeing him on his death bed two days before he died.

 I love my nephew so much!! We have always been there for each other and I sometimes feel like he is another child of mine or one of my best friends. I am praying that God will just hold Bradley close to his heart.

The other big thing that happened with Bradley is that when her wrecked he was driving drunk so he go a DUI. I just feel so bad and wish he would not have been driving while drinking. That is now the past and we have to move past that and just take care of Bradley. Please Do Not Drink and Drive!!!

Ada's 2nd Birthday!!!

Ada's second birthday just came and now is gone. My baby is now a toddler. It is just so hard to believe she is two. I am still in shock but let me share the joys of her party.

This year we had her party at the fellowship hall at church. We had her and Miss. Kendall's party together. We had it right after church, so it did not turn out as big as we had hoped but the girls had fun and got lots of gifts so that is all that mattered. So, let me share some pictures of my babies second birthday!!

slowly going up the hill

 I for sure have not blogged in a long time, but with good reason. We went about a month with no cable and that means on Internet service. Things are slowly but surely getting better. Since I last blogged, Michael got a really good job but has only got one check so we are on our way to the top it is just I don't think we realize how much our bills had got behind. I know one thing is for sure, I will never complain about always wanting more. With Michael's last job, we had enough to pay our bills but we was always wanting to do this or do that. God has been good to us and I am well aware now. I am so thankful to have a wonderful God in my life. He is so good.